Monday, 28 May 2012


Did you just catch me

Or did I fall into your arms

without realising you had even called

What is this thing

we hold

and call life

as if we had any control

Open your eyes and see

We are not alone

But with shadows

But with our shadows.

Wednesday, 23 May 2012

Welcome to your backwards life

I didn't get the Holly House job..
That actually seems like it was an extremely long time ago.
I asked them to give me some reasons and they did, albeit long winded sentences strung together to make the job sound like I was unable to do it justice in any form, which I know would not have been the case.

Her advice to me? (only because I asked)
Contact the Polytechnic and inquire about a diploma in social work.

Awesome, thanks guys, I hadn't thought of that at all.
*rolls eyes*

I guess that will learn me for being too ambiguous when I ask for advice.

So I asked God instead.
what I thought I heard was something about 'hang in there, I'm preparing you'
I have no concept of what hang in or prepare is/are.
Thats not my forte at all.
Which means either I DEFINITELY heard God ;) or that I was talking to myself again.

I chose to ignore the latter and believe it was Him...
Although, going by the next few calls I made, one might question my 'obedience'?

I went for a lunch date.
With the always freaking amazing Deb ( Works in progress )
We had Maccas because she had some small people with her.
I actually think it's because they had hot apple pies that day, because we both caved and had one...

I digress

We got talking about jobs we want to do, and I was in this 'meg turmoil' as I didn't know what 'hang in there I'm preparing you' meant, and also, I felt that the tracks were changing on my somewhat railroading journey and it was time...
I knew what area {'field'} I wanted to get into, but not which of the 12 doors (ok 3) to go through to get there.

So the issue of a degree came up.
You know... the one which takes 3 years at university (or 7... depending on your circumstances ;) )
The idea of enrolling at Massey came up.
Several times.
Anyone here believe in divine encounters?
At McDonalds?

It felt a little like that.
Suddenly this thing, (this huge thing in my head) seemed reachable.
Not even the end goal.. just the first step through the door.
It seemed that after all my backwards living; having a child as a child, getting married, mothering, divorce, healing, getting married (oh man....) and finally, getting an education so maybe one day I can be in a position to help someone like me...

Had not been irrelevant.
It seemed like the right door.

So, I enrolled at Massey
To do a Bachelor of Science with a ..... Psychology major.

Of course I still have to get my 'offer of place' and my ever increasing student loan approved

But if all of that goes through
I will officially be a broke, but ambitious uni student.

I feel I have Deb to thank.
You'll have to ask her why ;)


Sunday, 13 May 2012

Happy (est) Mothers day

It was such a lovely day!!

I got presents from all the kids

A card from Ben that made me sweet-cry (he actually said 'feel free to cry' in it...) and a block of white choccy!! NomNom
A blue Mountain pottery jug from Pop which goes with my deer... LOVE
A letter posted from school from Roo (I sweet cried at that one too.)

It felt real good to be their mumma today.
Got a coffee too!

I asked James to take a photo of me and them as my final present, as I don't have  a recent one anywhere..

this was the result:

Then we finished the courtyard out the back.
Such a beautiful warm day...

Couldn't complain (too much) really!!!

I made this.... I think the top one was taken 4 years ago.

Friday, 11 May 2012

I can't be bothered.....

Are there any things that you are truly adverse to doing?
I don't mean like the dishes or the washing.

For example...

My car needs petrol.
I can't be bothered to go and get any. I realise it's expensive these days, but thats not even the point.
If I had a million dollars, I still think it's one of those things I would like to palm off to James.
It ALMOST scrapes into the 'blue job' category.  (you know, where there are pink jobs and blue jobs.... I consider car related matters to be a blue job.)

So, I'll drive around for at least a day (if not 2) without putting petrol in the car.
In my defense, it hasn't (quite) ever actually broken down.

Returning DVD's.
Actually hopeless.
I can't seem to process the idea of getting into the car (which is empty anyway) and taking them back on time.
It's just in the 'I'll do it later'
and later and later...

$16 in fees later and I wish I had just done it.
But, I won't.
James can almost guarantee it.

In fact if I want to really make him smile and freak him out at the same time, I can come home and tell him I actually TOOK the DVD's back on time.

But it's rare.

Posting letters.
I can't ever be bothered.
This is one of the reasons that we sent out our thankyou cards about 6 weeks after the wedding!

If it's a parcel I'll do it, as I have to buy the box, and postage etc...
But I have just become accustomed to putting letters that need to be posted into james's lunchbox in the morning.
That way they'll actually get posted.
- genius

Some of this stuff just shouldn't be a big deal but I just find my self putting off and putting off etc.

And to be fair, James is SO good at posting letters and filling up my car and dropping DVD's back..

There must be more of you out there??

Thursday, 10 May 2012

Here's to

So I have applied for a job at Holly House
A residential home for teenage mums.
It's a job I have always wanted to do when I 'grew up'
As I was pregnant when I was a mere 15, and had my daughter when I was 16.
My 16th birthday before I had told most people.... 
Pregnant with her.... about to pop!
Someone once gave me a 'word' that I would help young mums.
Also it was spoken over me at the wedding that I would 'speak' I would use my voice to reach others (speaking isn't the issue, it's what I say that seems to have the power to cause change or in bad circumstances offense!)
- He also said I was a bit 'wild' - in the good sense. I was so happy that finally that word has been used as a positive adjective....

So I applied for this job.
It was a random kind of chance that I even saw the ad.

My faith that I will GET the job is about as minute as it could be, as I have no pieces of paper saying that I  have the right to work with young people in 'at risk' situations...

Oh, well except for Pop's birth certificate.... :)

And also James is wanting to make some changes in his life too..
And I feel like I should be there to support that...

Don't worry, his hair will still be the same colour....

(these are all a bit damaged with wear)

So, I really don't know what will happen. I havn't heard anything from them, and it's been nearly a week, so I'm not overly hopeful, but I can always volunteer.
Sometimes I'm so Grateful to NOT know what God's 'mega plan' for my life is.... 
Coz I'm sure I would kick and scream at the concept of it..
Until He whispers that He does actually know what he's doing with me... 

I hate waiting.


Monday, 7 May 2012

Once you go black.....

I dyed my hair black.

I was going for 'my cute asian girlfriend wife' (due to being 1/4 Japanese)

I may have failed quite remarkably now I think I look more like Angelica Huston.

James was not quite as excited as I was hoping....

It was not our best moment.

Today was a bit shit.

Looks better up than down.

That is all.

Thursday, 3 May 2012

Is that your sister?!

I finally got up the balls to make some genuine enquiries about a total change in my future as far as a career is concerned.
I even created a new email address so I can just be Mrs Robinson....

I have enquired about a full on position at a place called Holly House.
It is a facility that houses 10 young mums and their babies, from just before birth up till baby is one.

It is a job I have had in the back of my head for about 10 years.

I have zilch on the qualification front, but 100% on the experience.
This is what I want to do.

What will I do to achieve it?
I don't know.
A foot in the door would be amazing.
I would volunteer for a year if need be.

It's down on my knees begging God to open doors, or close them if He has a better plan (HIGHLY POSSIBLE lol )

Why am I writing this?
Because I am excited.

Even if it's a total closed door, I know that this is what I want to do, and it is obviously just the wrong time.

Can we manage shift work as a newly married couple?
Thats my biggest worry.
(hmmm, where's that verse from the last blog....)

I will not sacrifice my marriage and family for a job, no matter how appealing it is...
But I don't want fear to hold me back either....

What an exciting thing to ponder over

Lord, in your hands be it.