Here we are!

Sorry it's been a while.
Again.

Pop went to hospital to have a tonsillectomy.
We prayed that she wouldn't have to wait all day..
She was first on the list, was in and out by 9.25am

We prayed she'd get over it fast
She's home, and wants to go to school.
It feels like He's been listening :)

Blood pressure

Texting before going in

Beautiful Room...

Ready for surgery

Just like on Grey's... gimmee an elevator...

Doing a scrub in dance

A little more nervous, hooked up 

The waiting room.  Tried not to cry..

Recovery... 

Leaving for the night.... That was hard to do, but she was falling asleep, and wanted me to go... bless

Home time... 

Untitled

Remarkable
The little things
You forget
and can't get back

The little things
you may never have wanted
The way you talked
with your whole body

Still
You still do
And
Won't look back
much at all
today, or tomorrow

For It happened
and happened
and now

You are no longer the child
facing life
on a rope

Just let go
the river is calm
And so cool

Today
didn't really mean
anything
did it

Progress...

I had all of the kids this past weekend.

I was nervous, as things don't always work out when all 3 are together.

To add to that, we were staying at James's the weekend.. kids in tow, nerves in hand. 

(can you have 'nerves in hand?') 

But by the Grace of God (and the help of  a Polish professional) 

things seemed (and still seem) to be looking up...

I am presently working on my habitual negativity and sarcasm in front of said 'issue' child.

Ok, that was actually probably a fail right there!

I overheard a small convo between James and child, that they didn't know I was privy to, and I welled up with gratitude..

To see the changes happening, little by little, (although I am terrified of repeat episodes)

is remarkable, and not without much thanksgiving.

I pray this is long term

I so desperately want him back for good. 

So I just have to keep plugging away at me, 

as this seems to be the thing that is changing it. 

The weekend:

I was spost to go swimming with the dolphins on saturday in Akaroa, about an hour and a half out of CHC... but the weather was against us...
So we canned it, and will do it on our honeymoon instead. 

On the way back we stopped to enjoy what a southerly does to the water at Birdlings Flat. It's extremely dangerous, and you can't swim in it, but its fun to play...

Magical Birdlings flat traffic

He bought me roadside Peonies! LOVE!

Selwyn huts, where we will take photos at the wedding..

Miss Pop 

Having fun with Roo

Parental Fails.

How long is too long for a pair of undies?
Perhaps this should be rhetorical.

Apparently my 9 year old thinks that it is acceptable to change them once a week.
He showers, and is old enough to do so by himself.. ditto getting dressed...
But last night I realised I had seen the same undies (WHICH might I add, aren't even his. ) on him at the start of the week.
So I had to stand over him and physically hand him a clean pair (I smelled them to see if they in fact were fresh.... oh the humanity.) and make suree that he actually put them on.
It's kind of hard to monitor, as he also stays at his Dad's house during the week, but I'm thinking this must have been one of those times where we BOTH missed the night for a shower.
All of them.

Damn it, I'm going to have to be a 'chart mom'.

And don't EVEN get me started on his socks.
It's as if he trying to win a bet....
No one else is playing son...


Excellent convo I heard at multi family dinner tonight:

- Back ground.... Good mate of James's is having some issues at the moment.
another friend Kraig's  12 year son is sitting beside him outside, racking his brain for an idea for a school project. 'invent something that will improve your everyday life, and sell it to the class' type deal. His name is Lucas.

Lucas: (frustrated by this time)  " Whats something that could be used to solve everyday problems??!"
James's mate : (equally frustrated) "a device that will help understand women"
Lucas: "something that can be made out of plastic" 


I laughed so hard.

From the mouths of babes pre teens.

I have been 30 for a week.

There is less than nothing to report.
I survived the day.
And by survived I mean survived.

Pop was lovely in the morning. She made me a card
(that said "ha ha ha ha ha ha ha you are old" on the front)
and sorted out the morning coffee.
She also wrote me a lovely letter.

The rest of the day (to be polite) went to hell in a handbasket.
Confirming my theory that birthdays suck.
And they seem to suck worse every year.

The day was redeemed (and then some) by the most wonderful James.
He got me a pass to swim with him... and some dolphins!
How lucky are those dolphins!!! ;)
It's one of those 'bucket list' things I've wanted to do...
I can't wait!
And we went for dinner at a really mint smoke house restaurant

I try never to have expectations of a fun birthday experience (on the day) as I hate being disappointed.
There is a huge part of my brain that seems solely dedicated to hosting a really authentic pity party.
 A sort of sad martyrdom existence I walk around with on the day.
An 'oh don't worry, we don't need to do anything' kind of feeling.
It's stupid. I know this, but I can't seem to 'help it'.... every year.
I was actually relieved to wake up on the 2nd and bask in the fact that I didn't have to deal with it being my birthday.

It's not about getting older. It never has been. It's more of a narcissistic complex, which by not informing anyone of, becomes a kind of self forfilling prophesy.

I can't believe I am even still typing.
At least I am writing.
And this stuff is really just for me....

So.... anyway.
I am hugely looking forward to swimming with the dolphins, and I will feel very special on the day.
I still have a wedding to plan, a life to alter and kids that need attention that sometimes I feel too drained (or just spiritually lacking) to attend too.
I used to love having a pinch of drama in my life...

But that was in my 20's.

FINALLY an ADULT...

Wish I could remember where I stole this pic from. Was it you Widge? 

It's my 30th on Tuesday.

30.

I have been alive and kicking (sometimes rather hard) for 30 years.

I still feel stuck at about 23 (stuck? or happily placed..) 

30 actually sounds like an adult doesn't it.

Like, it's not QUITE as hot for James to say "my fiance is 30." It was much better when he could say "my fiance is 29" as it still sounds like you probably haven't had kids, (ahem, even though I had 3 by the time I was 20) you probably have started to think about a career for your self... you probably still have the 'features' of a late 20's body.. 

But 30.... 

Anyway, it's a pointless post, as I have always looked forward to my 30's.

I've never been scared of aging ( I say that now...) 

With age comes confidence, responsibility for your own feelings thoughts and decisions, and a sense of satisfaction seems a lot easier to grasp at. 

I was going to have a big party for it, 

but seeing as it's 17 weeks until I get MARRIED I thought I'd rather just put the effort into preparing for that instead. 

I'm really just posting this so that it's been said. 

And so I can look back and see how I felt about it...

I think, right now, I feel pretty good. 

O and O xxx

Holiday slides

Hello My lovelies.
James and I managed to escape to gorgeous Southport (Gold coast) for labour weekend.
(Thanks Mama T!)
We got to see the beaches, the babes, get brown, (get burnt)
It was fabulous.

Here are the photos!
 And yes. I am posing. Because I felt that I COULD.
Aussie does that to me.....

No, we didn't stay here, just took a photo coz our one in CHC is now on an iconic lean....