Monday, 28 November 2011


The little things
You forget
and can't get back

The little things
you may never have wanted
The way you talked
with your whole body

You still do
Won't look back
much at all
today, or tomorrow

For It happened
and happened
and now

You are no longer the child
facing life
on a rope

Just let go
the river is calm
And so cool

didn't really mean
did it

Thursday, 24 November 2011


I had all of the kids this past weekend.
I was nervous, as things don't always work out when all 3 are together.
To add to that, we were staying at James's the weekend.. kids in tow, nerves in hand. 
(can you have 'nerves in hand?') 

But by the Grace of God (and the help of  a Polish professional) 
things seemed (and still seem) to be looking up...

I am presently working on my habitual negativity and sarcasm in front of said 'issue' child.
Ok, that was actually probably a fail right there!

I overheard a small convo between James and child, that they didn't know I was privy to, and I welled up with gratitude..
To see the changes happening, little by little, (although I am terrified of repeat episodes)
is remarkable, and not without much thanksgiving.

I pray this is long term
I so desperately want him back for good. 

So I just have to keep plugging away at me, 
as this seems to be the thing that is changing it. 

The weekend:

I was spost to go swimming with the dolphins on saturday in Akaroa, about an hour and a half out of CHC... but the weather was against us...
So we canned it, and will do it on our honeymoon instead. 

On the way back we stopped to enjoy what a southerly does to the water at Birdlings Flat. It's extremely dangerous, and you can't swim in it, but its fun to play...

Magical Birdlings flat traffic

He bought me roadside Peonies! LOVE!

Selwyn huts, where we will take photos at the wedding..

Miss Pop 

Having fun with Roo

Sunday, 13 November 2011

Parental Fails.

How long is too long for a pair of undies?
Perhaps this should be rhetorical.

Apparently my 9 year old thinks that it is acceptable to change them once a week.
He showers, and is old enough to do so by himself.. ditto getting dressed...
But last night I realised I had seen the same undies (WHICH might I add, aren't even his. ) on him at the start of the week.
So I had to stand over him and physically hand him a clean pair (I smelled them to see if they in fact were fresh.... oh the humanity.) and make suree that he actually put them on.
It's kind of hard to monitor, as he also stays at his Dad's house during the week, but I'm thinking this must have been one of those times where we BOTH missed the night for a shower.
All of them.

Damn it, I'm going to have to be a 'chart mom'.

And don't EVEN get me started on his socks.
It's as if he trying to win a bet....
No one else is playing son...

Excellent convo I heard at multi family dinner tonight:

- Back ground.... Good mate of James's is having some issues at the moment.
another friend Kraig's  12 year son is sitting beside him outside, racking his brain for an idea for a school project. 'invent something that will improve your everyday life, and sell it to the class' type deal. His name is Lucas.

Lucas: (frustrated by this time)  " Whats something that could be used to solve everyday problems??!"
James's mate : (equally frustrated) "a device that will help understand women"
Lucas: "something that can be made out of plastic" 

I laughed so hard.

From the mouths of babes pre teens.

Tuesday, 8 November 2011

I have been 30 for a week.

There is less than nothing to report.
I survived the day.
And by survived I mean survived.

Pop was lovely in the morning. She made me a card
(that said "ha ha ha ha ha ha ha you are old" on the front)
and sorted out the morning coffee.
She also wrote me a lovely letter.

The rest of the day (to be polite) went to hell in a handbasket.
Confirming my theory that birthdays suck.
And they seem to suck worse every year.

The day was redeemed (and then some) by the most wonderful James.
He got me a pass to swim with him... and some dolphins!
How lucky are those dolphins!!! ;)
It's one of those 'bucket list' things I've wanted to do...
I can't wait!
And we went for dinner at a really mint smoke house restaurant

I try never to have expectations of a fun birthday experience (on the day) as I hate being disappointed.
There is a huge part of my brain that seems solely dedicated to hosting a really authentic pity party.
 A sort of sad martyrdom existence I walk around with on the day.
An 'oh don't worry, we don't need to do anything' kind of feeling.
It's stupid. I know this, but I can't seem to 'help it'.... every year.
I was actually relieved to wake up on the 2nd and bask in the fact that I didn't have to deal with it being my birthday.

It's not about getting older. It never has been. It's more of a narcissistic complex, which by not informing anyone of, becomes a kind of self forfilling prophesy.

I can't believe I am even still typing.
At least I am writing.
And this stuff is really just for me....

So.... anyway.
I am hugely looking forward to swimming with the dolphins, and I will feel very special on the day.
I still have a wedding to plan, a life to alter and kids that need attention that sometimes I feel too drained (or just spiritually lacking) to attend too.
I used to love having a pinch of drama in my life...

But that was in my 20's.