Wednesday, 4 July 2012

Come what may

I asked James " how would you feel if after the wedding we shoot in November, I hang up my camera bag for good?" He said "well, haven't you kind of done that already?"
And he is right.
I'm not 'in it' anymore.
Despite doing a few really cool pamphlets up a few weeks back and getting the guts to drop them at a preschool in my (fairly well to do) area...
Despite doing some kick arse promotions... (which no-one even responded to!)

I really just .... don't care.

I have no love for this business where every second person is a 'good enough' photographer.
If you've got a camera... you have yourself a business.
- Although I know this is complete rubbish because I would love to get statistics on how many photographers are even making ends meet in Christchurch-

Anyway... it's not the thing.

The thing is I looked at this great photo I took that someone had made a lovely comment about, and thought  "Wow, yeah, I was pretty cool at that. I met heaps and heaps and heaps of amazing people from all walks of life doing this job, and I had talent.."

And the first thought was one of fear... "how would I ever DO that again?? I'm too scared to walk into peoples houses and start photographing random people I don't know"

{Thats probably a whole can of worms on it's own...}

As I sit in the warmth of my lounge contemplating the newness of what I am about to walk into, I find comfort in the minimalisation of my 'jobs'.
I am not a working photographer any longer.

I can probably go back to photographing the things I find interesting again.
I only have 3 shoots left I ever have to do if I want.

And then I can just be me... 
A wife, a mum and a student.

Will I ever make it through Uni? 
Maybe? Hopefully!
But it's exciting to think it's sitting so close to me. 

And I just feel like it's time to give it all up. 
Like those actors who bow out gracefully (read: retire... not die) :) 

It was good while it lasted... 
Will it ever happen again? 
Who knows. 

Over and Out xxx

1 comment:

  1. good for you for letting it go when the season was right - the spring may come again in time or it just may become a happy place to visit now and again. x