I don't really know what it is with me and change.

I'm in some ways a person who doesn't like it.

I like milk to stay the same price.

ditto petrol.

and misc of the same.

But my environment... I seem to want it to be fluid.

Possibly why the earthquakes didn't (initially) scare me as much.
- although I wasn't displaced or injured-

I am married now (thats change)
And I wanted to dye my hair.
But James loves me blonde (an expensive upkeep)
So I went on and on and on about it (why the hell do I do this?!)
and I obsessed over different hair styles

Because?!
Because everything else is so good in life. (?)
Because we've already painted the fence and the door

Because the wedding is over (?)
Because the routine is somewhat reliable

Not for the main reason.... that I need a good hair cut and colour.. I look like I'm a bit bedraggled after all the buildup to becoming the perfect bride...

And then there are the career choices.
things I am seeking His help to find answers to.

We both want change.
We are both scared to delve too far into change.

I'm stuck between wanting to be at home (pure laziness on my part. honestly)
Wanting to be an amazing photographer who actually GETS work (can't even remember what that feels like now, thanks Feb 22)
And wanting to be a social worker type woman, specializing in helping teen mums.

I looked into the latter and the scary cloud was far too heavy.
Maybe I will just be a volunteer...
and eventually burn out like I always do


See why I have to dedicate so much prayer to this?
Do not be ANXIOUS about anything, but instead by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving to God, present your requests to Him. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds, in Christ Jesus - meg's version :)


And what more can you say?


I wanted a secret blog to type out my extreme frustration with being a parent and step parent, one that nooone knows the address to, one that I don't have to go back and read, and one where my thoughts disappear... 


Maybe that will be a task for tomorrow(s)


o&o